I did a lot of deep breathing yesterday. I have noticed lately that I’ve been having trouble taking a full, deep breath sometimes. It felt like constantly being on the verge of an anxiety attack. I’m happy to report that I do not feel that way today! I’ve been trying to recognize more of my triggers. Noise is definitely one of them. Now, I don’t expect my children to be quiet little church mice all the time. In fact, I love the sound of them playing, especially if they are playing together. Sometimes, though, it seems as if they feel the need to compete for my attention using noise. They deploy this strategy usually when I’m trying to get something done (dishes, dinner, brushing my teeth). One of them gets upset and starts making noise about it then the other one gets upset and starts making noise because the other one is upset and making noise. Then the first one feels the need to make more noise so I can hear them the best and it escalates from there. All the while I am unconsciously holding my breath (something else I have recent discovered myself doing). All these events lead to me yelling at them to be quiet (ironic) and leave me alone. These outbursts always make me feel guilty and wondering how I could have handled the situation better. Reacting that way always sets us up for another episode in the very near future.
Day 2 is going well so far. I did have a close call but I caught myself just in time and took a deep breath. I do feel like they are testing me though.

















